


Leo's life is a mess

by BlueslittleOrange



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, Multi, TMNTLeonardo, TMNTMichelangelo, leoandmikeyarefatherandson, leoistheshredder'sson, papaLeo, shreddercanbeagooddad, sonMikey, tcest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:47:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22145116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueslittleOrange/pseuds/BlueslittleOrange
Summary: Leonardo had never known easy. His beginning had been messy and his present wasn’t any better. He was constantly fighting for his life, between his heritage and his beliefs. His father or his honour.At the age of sixteen, Leonardo had left the Foot Clan, deserting his father and all he had ever known- Oroku Saki’s rules were harsh, his ideals were backwards and his need for revenge was deadly. Leo couldn’t handle that, he couldn’t kill. His enemies were just like him, almost exactly like him, teenagers, mutants and turtles- he saw himself in them. ‘Would you kill me father? If you were to kill them, you would be killing me too.’ That was the line Leo left with, giving his father something to think about. It didn’t work, it only made the Shredder angrier after he realised that his son had joined the Hamato clan.Leo was constantly in the middle, being torn apart from the inside whenever in battle with the Foot. Though he had left with such confidence, he would shrivel to the size of a pea whenever he came face to face with his father. He was forever fighting with his conflicting emotions.
Relationships: Casey Jones/April O'Neil (TMNT), Donatello/Raphael (TMNT), Leonardo/OC
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry if you don’t like MPREG or the idea of Leonardo being Michelangelo’s father, it’s something I like the idea of, I have my reasons. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. I don’t need it. Also some Raphaello will be involved- kind of a side story.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the TMNT characters, I only own Axel and the change I made to the original story. Also, the Triceratons didn’t happen. A few references to episodes will be mentioned. 
> 
> This has been a note from BlueslittleOrange.

"Finally home!" The turtles groaned staggering in to the lair. They could finally rest now that they had made it home. After a long and brutal battle against the Foot clan, the three turtles were battered and bruised, tired and wobbly on their feet. After such a battle between the Foot and the Shredder, they were lucky to have made it home.

While Donatello and Raphael collapsed comfortable on the couch, Leonardo took his on the seat on the steps outside of the lair, he pulled his knees to his chin, holding himself. Guilt weighed heavy on his shoulders, he blamed himself for this, for everything. He had been born in to the Foot clan, his father being the Shredder but he had betrayed everything he had been raised for. Now, Leo was hold his blue mask in his hand, stroking the fabric. It was in two pieces after the Shredder had torn it from his face, a symbol of the betrayal he felt toward his son.

"Aah!" Raph suddenly shrieked as Donnie popped his shoulder back in to its socket. "Geez warn a guy next time." He grunted rolling his injured arm. 

"My sons!" Splinter called, upon seeing his children. He carried a tub of water, some towels, packs of ice and the first aid kit; a suggestion Donatello had called ahead for. Immediately, he began to tend to his sons' wounds, cleaning them, stitching them and wrapping them. "My injuries aren't so bad, Sensei. Raph's the one that really needs tending to." 

Leo listened in the distance with a heavy heart. He had sworn to Splinter that he would protect Donnie and Raph as if they were his little brothers. He rubbed his mask which he held tight, it had become a symbol of his failure. "Leonardo, are you hurt?"

There was a small pause before the appointed leader responded with a quiet broken voice. “Just my pride.” Unconsciously, Leo lifted his hand to his shoulder, rubbing his arm. Neither Donnie or Raph had realised that Leo had yet to make it in to the lair. 

"His father was there. They fought again." Donnie said, telling his father. Splinter nodded and entrusted the rest of Raphael's patching up to Donatello. They only needed wrapping. As he took Raph's stitched up arm, Donnie watched as his father walked over to an unusually quiet Leo.

"Leonardo?" Splinter rested his hand on Leo's shell. The young leader jumped at the touch of a warm hand, he lifted his head to see Splinter sitting himself down beside him, holding another mask out to the young ninja, another thing Donnie had called ahead for. “Not many would choose the path you have. Following against ones heritage is never easy.”

Leo rested his head back on his knees. “Nothing ever is,” he responded, accepting the new mask. Being a mutant wasn’t simple or easy, to begin with, but being a born mutant to a family of humans seemed almost impossible. "They were right about me. He was right." The he Leo was referring to was his grandfather, or the man who had given his father a home and a family when his was taken away, Splinter's father. His mutation had been seen as a bad omen, despite the circumstances on which it happened. Leo was called Yokai, a bringer of pain and suffering and he hadn't even been born. Leo believed it now. He even go as far as to say that his existence was what caused his father’s descent down the dark path that he was on. “It seems no matter what I do, I cause pain and misery.”

“That is your ancestors speaking. You are just a boy looking for a place in this world, as we all are.” It was hard to watch the optimism fade from Leo’s eyes. The dream of being a hero like Captain Ryan was being demolished. That confident grin he used to have before taking his troops out to patrol for good purposes no longer appeared, it had been replaced by turmoil and a permanent feeling of being lost.

"I thought that place was here, with those who are like me, but look at your sons, your daughter is gone because of me." Splinter’s lip dropped ever so slightly, he went to speak but no words came out. The usually wise and sage rat was at a loss for words. He couldn’t believe that Leo thought this way about himself. No child should feel this way about themselves and their existence. Leo took a deep breath and stood up, he knew what he needed to do- at least in his mind. Unsheathing his weapons, Leo held them out to Splinter. “I’m not a hero and I’m not a villain. I don’t know where I belong.”

“How can you say that, Leo?” Donnie asked, making it apparent that the two slightly younger turtles had been listening to the entire time. The genius turtle staggered over to the entrance while being completely mindful of his injuries. “You belong here. If you went back to your father you’d just be one of his lackeys again. You’d be a thief again.”

“I’m not saying I would go back to my father.” Leo responded to his brother’s statement. “I just...” He had no idea what he wanted, giving himself the temptation to drop this and continue to be miserable, living the life he’d been forced to live.

“Raph, you wanna jump in here?” Donnie said. Raph hadn’t moved or even turned around, he had stayed put. He still held issues with Leonardo and would rather see him leave if he was really this conflicted about his allegiance.

“Not really? The prince can do whatever he wants.” Donnie and Splinter swallowed their disappointment as Raph continued. “If he wants to crawl back to daddy even after he almost ripped the shells off our backs.”

Leo’s heart sank. Raphael, after two years and everything they’d been through still didn’t trust the former Foot soldier, at least not as much as the others did. He kept cynical distance and a cautious eye on. “I’m not going back to him and stop calling me a prince.” Leo was especially tormented by the word, Prince. He'd heard it all his life. “I can't do this right now, I need some air.”

”We just got back.” Donnie said. “And the Foot is probably still out there.” Leo shrugged, he didn't care, he was being suffocated. He needed a break, time to think without someone breathing down his neck all the time.

“Just let him go.” The group lifted their heads back toward Raphael. The hothead hadn’t bothered getting up or even looking at them. “He’s only being like this because daddy struck him.” He pouted, mockingly to emphasise his point. In that moment Leo realised what his and Raph’s rivalry truly was. The hothead didn’t trust him. 

“You still don’t trust me, it’s been two years and we’ve saved the world as team several times...” Leo argued. Frustrated, this, Raphael was why he couldn’t express or talk about his feelings. His father was... his father, his family. The only blood he had left, it had been hard to leave him and watch him and fall further down the destructive rabbit hole.

Before Leo could continue Raph interrupted whatever else he was going to say. “Of course I don’t trust you, you held a blade to my father’s neck the second you realised who he was. The first time we faced the Shredder as a group you almost caved and went back to him. You’re still undecided about him. Your father is evil. You’ve been raised and groomed to be the next him. Let’s face it, you only joined us to get your revenge on the Kraang.”

“They killed my mother.” Leo grinded his teeth, emphasising his irritation but his eyes told otherwise, they welled up. 

“Well, your father killed ours.” The room fell completely silent. Raph copied Leo’s facial expression, accepted he really only showed anger, he had no remorse for his words. Leo felt numb, he had nothing to say back.

Donnie shook his head, watching as Leo unsheathed his swords, dropping them on the floor, they weren’t his, it no longer felt right to have them. “Wait Leo no.” Leo had response, he just walked away.

“It is alright, Donatello. Leonardo needs some time, he may return he feels necessary.” Donnie lowered his arm. Splinter had to admit that he felt some guilt and responsibility for what Leonardo was feeling. If it wasn’t for his actions- if he hadn’t accused Oroku Saki of murder, he wouldn’t have lost his wife and Leonardo wouldn’t be caught between two families at war.

...

The lair was miles away by now, at least that's what it felt like. It probably wasn't the best of ideas to walk in the sewers, not at this time of year. Leo’s feet were freezing as he trudged through the sludge. 

'Couldn't have grabbed your jacket before you left. Maybe you could’ve saved this sulk for the summer.' His brain started to argue against him, even though it had been telling him for weeks that he no longer belonged in the Hamato clan. 'Maybe it's time to go back to father. Maybe, you could stop him if you were on his side. Maybe we could make a deal, if I go back he has to promise that he'll leave master Splinter and the others alone.' "No, that would never work."

The sewers were rather quiet. Aside from the occasional rat scurrying past, there wasn't really much activity, barely even a drop of water spilt from the pipes. Leo let out a deep breath, holding himself as a bitter chill crawled up his spine. Even his shell couldn't protect him from this cold. 'What if you went home?' 

The lost turtle thought about home a lot, remembering his childhood. The tempting call to go back to where he truly called home remained in his mind constantly. The home he referred to as his true home was just beyond New York, out in the countryside, away from civilisation, where he was a free mutant turtle, so to speak.

Leo missed climbing the trees, waking up to the early bird’s call, growing his own food in the garden, the aroma of fresh pancakes every Sunday morning, eating outside in the garden whenever the weather called for it, snowball fights in the winter, cosying up by the fire after said snowball fights with hot cocoas. That was the father Leo missed. The father that read him bedtime stories and built forts with him.

Finding a ladder, Leo made his up to the surface...

What frustrated Leo the most was the fact that he cared about both sides of this war, his father and master Splinter. They were family. His father raised him and loved him and now Splinter was teaching him to be the hero his father had suggested him to be. 

Leo took a seat on one of the rooftops opposite the Foot headquarters. To be honest, he did this a lot, enough to know to leave a blanket in an unused chimney pipe. “What if I ran away? What if I left the city, somehow?”

Leo often spoke to himself out loud, it didn’t feel much different from when he was talking to the others. Leo had only ever known one person that would listen to him and she was gone. Pulling his knees up to his chin, Leo felt the tears welling up in his eyes. "What if I had died with my mother?" Leo hated these thoughts, he didn't want to think this way but looking down to the streets he couldn't help it.

"Then the one known as a turtle would not be the one to save the place that is known as the city." An unfamiliar voice had Leo suddenly whipped around. He instinctively went for his Katana but they were gone, he’d left them with Splinter as a sign to say that he was truly done. The only thing he did have was his Tanto.

“Who’s there?” Leo demanded to know. A stranger cloaked by shadow peered from behind a water tower. It spoke like a Kraang but wasn’t quite as robotic.

Leo charged at the stranger, but they coward, turning away from the blade that was ready for them. Leo stopped as it spoke again. “That who is known as Az’el should not have what is called snuck up on the one called turtle.” Leo froze, as he’d gotten closer, he realised this wasn’t a Kraang, far from it. “The one called Az’el is not here to do what what is known as harm to the one called turtle.”

Backing away the creature followed revealing its self as another turtle. They had a tall, slender figure. Could almost be confused for Donatello but they had distinctive features that proved otherwise. His eyes were orbs of black, a little like how a cartoon character’s eyes would have been drawn accept they glistened, like a piece of the night sky. His skin was practically luminous under the night sky. A darkened yellowish-green, like dying grass opposed to Leo’s ripe forest green.

Leo’s eyes had grown wide, his surprise making him loosen the grip on his weapon. “You’re a...” he was speechless. “Turt...tle...”

...

Axel was amazed by the city that he sat above it. The streets were alive, the cold air on his skin gave him a sense of what freedom truly felt like. Meanwhile, behind him, Leo was freaking out. Another turtle sat before him. He had so many questions in his head that couldn’t actually form question out loud. “Anoth... how... where..?” 

It wasn’t just the fact that Axel was another turtle, it was that his form was so similar to his, Donatello’s and Raphael’s. The mutation was supposed to random unless he’d been another victim to experimentation. “That who is known as Leon-nardo should do that which is called sit.”

“It’s still down’ that all you have to say. And no I can’t sit down. I’m freaking out.” Leo held his hands on his head, he could feel his brain scrambling. “Are there more of you? How did you escape? Did they just let you go?”

“The one known as Az’el did what is called escaped by slowing my what is called breath and hiding in the shell.” It didn’t take long for Leo clue in to what Axel meant. “The ones known as Kraang, threw the one called Az’el in to a body of water.” The new turtle explained. 

“You faked your death and they threw you in to the river.” Axel shrugged, unsure of what a river was. He could only guess that river was the correct term. “Good thing turtles are amphibious.” Leo huffed, taking a seat beside Axel. “So, I'm guessing they created you.” 

“The ones who call themselves the Kraang found the one who is called Az’el. Like that who is known as Leon-nardo is what is called a turtle, Az’el is what is called a Terrapathian.” Axel looked up at the stars. It was cliche but at least Leo definitely knew Axel was not of this world. 

Terrapathians, unlike humans, are able to retain memories from a much earlier age. Axel was roughly a year-old when he had landed on Earth, that's usually when this species begin storing their memories. He woke up to see strange pink squishy brain beings in bodies made of metal and other various alloys standing over him. That was his first memory. He recalled seeing the droids, as they were called laying down their weapons upon realising what they had come across. "This, what is called a child, is that which is known as a Terrapathian from the planet, Sauropsida.”

Axel remembered hearing talk of his planet and its devastation, a winter had ravaged everything. He'd heard that his people were strong physically but they were unable to withstand the drastic drop in temperature, he was one of few Terrapathians who were sent away from the harsh and unyielding freeze.

For whatever reason, the Kraang decided to keep Axel. He was locked in a small cell, being checked on less and less as the years went by. However, he still learned from them indirectly, picking up their speak and watching them walk was how he learned to walk. His emotions came from listening to the various victims the kept in other cells. There was one human being he was drawn to, a female, he didn't know her name but she was few weeks pregnant and her baby was going to be experimented on. They would talk through the walls, sharing their stories to pass the time. One day, the Kraang took her from her cell and he never saw her again.

All of that took about a hour to explain in Kraang speak. Somehow, Leo had managed to stay awake, he had become bored by the long-winded version of the story, only taking in a few pieces of it. ”So, your not from Earth.”

Axel nodded, after hearing Leo speak using less words, making everything sound easier, he wanted that option, but Kraang speak was all he’d ever known. “Got kind of a Superb-Man thing going on.” Axel was unfamiliar with this concept and just stared blankly at Leo. “Right, Superb-Man is... never mind, I'm not gonna explain that now. But it does mean that you're without a home and I think I might be too.” Leo took a moment to think.

...

For weeks now, Leo had been feeling less and less secure in the Hamato clan, so much so that he felt he needed a back up plan. His back up plan turned out to be an abandoned top floor apartment. He’d been scoping it out for a few nights while he and his team were out on patrol. “Okay, we need to be quite.” Leo whispered. Axel nodded before following Leo down the fire escape.

With a rough pull, Leo removed the boarding on one of the window. “What is the place that we are going in to?” Axel asked. Leo quickly silenced him again and lured him in to the apartment. 

After switching on the light, Leo and Axel found that the place was still fully furnished, but everything was covered in dust sheets. A project abandoned after so many tragedies had taken place. “This is more perfect than I could have imagined.” Leo smiled, finally, something was going right for him. Immediately, he checked the the oven and the taps in the kitchen. 

Axel pulled some the sheets off the furniture. One of them revealed a thirty-two inch television. “What is the object that I am looking at?” Leo lifted his head turning around to see what Axel was looking at. 

“That's a TV. It’s uh, hang on...” Leo found the remote and turned the screen on. Axel gasped when he saw the people on the screen. He feared that they were in trouble. He put his hand on the TV. “The thing called a TV, holds those what are called people, captured.” Leo found Axel‘s naivety to be endearing, making him seem innocent and almost like a child.

“No, they haven’t been captured, they’re actors, this is a soap opera, let me just, there. This is Space Heroes. This is a cartoon, might a bit easier for you to comprehend. Admittedly, I’m a little obsessed with it and I may bring it up a lot. Something that I’ve only just realised that I do.” Much like Leo, Axel found himself drawn to the character of captain Ryan, he resembled someone who knew sacrifice, and heroism. “That’s Captain Ryan, he’s... awesome.” Leo’s face flushed turned around to look at him. It was about a year ago when Leo realised why he was so drawn to this character. A small cartoon character crush. “Eh heh.”

The next places to check out were the bedrooms, one was larger than the other. “The bed that I am laying on is a lot what is called comfortable than the one in my what is called cell. It is bigger than my what is called cell.” Axel said, laying on his bed. Leo was still looking around his. It reminded him of his old room back the lair, having the bare minimum but also had a bed, not just two mattresses on the floor. “I’m fine with this one, if you’re okay with that one then.” 

With no answer, Leo wondered in to Axel’s room and found him already asleep, a long day can drain anyone. Carefully, Leo adjusted Axel so that his head lay on the pillow. Lifting Axel’s legs, Leo then brought over the blanket, covering him. This lost turtle looked to be at peace with a content smile on his face. He had finally had somewhere he could call home. 

After switching off the TV in the living room, Leo quietly slipped out of the window. If he was going to officially leave the lair, then he was going to have to inform the others. He gave his father that courtesy, why wouldn’t he for them. 

...

The lair was quiet, barely the scurry of a mouse was heard. Everyone must be in bed. Leo crept across the living room, making it to his room. It didn’t feel like his anymore. Dropping on to the floor, Leo pulled his old duffel bag out from under the bed. He couldn't believe he was doing this again. It brought tears to his eyes as he started packing some of his things inside. His comics, his diary, and his photos. 

He took a second to look at the one of him and his brothers, then he looked to the other one he had. It contained a pose of him, his father and Karai, his father was holding a much younger version of himself, and Karai had her arms crossed, forcing a smile. "For a moment, we were a family." He whispered. Sighing, Leo stuffed the photos in his bag, then he moved on, grabbing the blanket on his bed and a jacket, after making that mistake earlier, he wasn’t going to do without. He would also grab a few other bits to make his room feel like his room.

With a quiet click, Leo closed the door, saying good bye to his room forever. He looked to the rooms the other side of the hallway. Apart of him wanted to wake the others and tell them but the other half was screaming louder telling him to just leave a note. 

After slipping a small note underneath a magnet on the fridge, Leo made his way back to the entrance of the lair. He took one last look around, remembering that time he beat Raph at Super Marion cart, the times Donnie blew something up in the lab and came out covered in sludge, goop and or ash. All the training sessions in the dojo, one against two and yet he still managed to take both of his brothers down. The first conversation he had with master Splinter and the tea they shared. Bringing April to the lair for the first time, and then months later watching Casey passing put upon meeting master Splinter. All those memories, It was going to be rough for a little while. “Goodbye guys.” 

...

That was three weeks ago...


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first few weeks of living together weren't easy, Leo had a dark cloud above his head, constantly following him. Sometimes it's not easy to give up the hero life.

It wasn't uncommon for Axel to find Leonardo sitting outside in the cold on the fire escape, hugging his knees and pondering his entire life, in fact this was every morning. The only thing shielding him from the frigid weather was his jacket, not that it did much, only covering the top half of his body. Axel wanted to understand Leo more, but he would barely open up. 

Leonardo almost jumped out of his shell when a blanket was draped over his shoulders. He swiftly dropped something and smushed it with his foot. A secret shame Leo had taken up last year after the turmoil had become too much. He smoked, as a stress relief. Training and meditation mostly kept the cravings at bay, but lately he just felt like giving in, for a second, his stress, his anxieties, his guilt and everything that was keeping him down were just being blown away with the smoke. For a second, he felt good, though now he feared that this could become more than just his morning routine.  
  
Looking up, Leo found Axel was taking a seat beside him on the frosted metal, he was cocooned in his own blanket, carrying two mugs of tea with him as well. "Thanks." Leo said, accepting his cup, his voice being muffled by his hand as he really didn't want Axel to smell his breath and think less of him. Axel lowered his brow and responded with a, "you are welcome." He smiled. "The weather is cold on this day."  
  
"Yeah, I know. I just need to think." Leo replied with a smile after taking a sip of his drink. Axel would have bought that three weeks ago, but now that he knew the specifics of emotions, his noted observations told him that Leo was feeling otherwise. He wasn't just out in the cold ' _just to think'._  
  
"How many Earth units of time have you been out here to... think?" It was endearing to Leo, when Axel would slip up. It was almost cute, as if he was teaching a baby to speak. He was slowly getting a handle on Earth speak, getting rid of his Kraang-y was the goal. During their lessons, Leo and Axel had discovered they had quite a bit in common. "Not sure." Leo shrugged, responding to Axel's question. "It was still dark when I first came out here." His focus was elsewhere.   
  
Axel followed Leo's eye-line, apparently it was directed at a dark and gloomy building that stood out against the rest of New York city's high rises. Continuing the watch, they were even watching some of the soldiers exchanging shifts. "What is the place that we are looking at." Axel asked.  
  
"That's where my father lives." Leo announced, his words were heavy, his eyes had lowered, regretting the statement he'd made. Leo didn't like to talk about his past, especially his father. Whenever he tried to in the past, his stories would always be interrupted by someone (Raphael) who just didn't want to hear it, even if he wasn't talking to them (Raphael). To be honest, Leo would have loved for someone to hear about his growing up and them hearing that his wasn't all bad and that possibly, there was still some good in him. "You don't talk about your father a lot."  
  
"Hm, you used a contraction. Soon, I could teach you Japanese." Leo praised Axel, hoping to move on and change the subject, but those big orbs of noir were pleading for him to finally open up. "Stop! Who taught you puppy eyes?" Leo giggled, pushing Axel away as he moved closer, he even tried to close his eyes but he still felt Axel's gaze baring in to him. Axel sighed heavily, placing a hand on Leo's shoulder. “Leonardo, You know a lot about the one called Axel but the one called Axel knows very little about you." So close, Leo thought as Axel slipped up again. Looking in to Axel's eyes, Leo felt comforted. "Just one story would satisfy me."  
  
Leo sighed, he started rubbing his knees. "Fine, my father wasn't always like well... that..." He gestured back toward the building. "He was a good father and a decent man....  
  
**I grew up in a house just outside of New York, it was buried deep in the woods, isolated from society. My father had built it before I was born, he planned on living there with just me and my mother, if only it hadn’t gone so horribly wrong.  
  
****As a kid, I was scared of a lot; needles- still there not gonna lie- then there’s ironically snakes, heights and the dark. The one I’m focusing on is the dark. I looked this up, and this fear isn’t uncommon in children. Nowadays, this wouldn’t bother me, a ninja embraces the dark as its alley but back then, I wasn’t a ninja, I hadn’t even begun training. Umm anyway umm, so unlike the city, the rural areas are deathly quiet, you don’t hear cars, you don’t hear yelling and screaming, You would hear animals instead; owls, foxes and on occasion coyotes, that’s scary to a kid. At night, the shadows from trees look like fingers about to grab you.  
  
****I was the youngest in our household, Karai, my “sister” liked to mock me for my fears, calling me a baby for still sleeping with a nightlight at the age of seven, which isn’t unreasonable by the way. My father always told me that fear is human, it keeps us safe from what could harm us. I’m starting to think that’s why he’s so paranoid.  
  
****I remember one night, my dad was putting me to bed. He’d finished reading me a story, for the life of me, I can’t remember what is was, anyway, then he checked under my bed, checked the closet, he sealed my window shut and drew the blinds. The last thing he did was turn on my night light, that I still have, I mean it’s not here, I left it with my father, anyway,** “Alright, my little Kame.” **Kame means turtle or tortoise in Japanese, it is also my middle name but it sort of became a kind of nickname as well. “We’ve had a long day, it is time to sleep. You have Hector and we switch your night light on.” Yeah, I slept with a night light for like eight years of my life.  
  
****It didn’t take long before I fell asleep, the last thing I heard was my father singing a Japanese lullaby. Apparently, that song has been settling me since I was in the womb.  
  
****I’m not sure how much time passed or what even woke me, I think it might have been a nightmare or I wet the bed, I can’t remember but nonetheless, I woke up and my room was totally black. I was terrified. My night light was dead and I couldn’t see.** “Papa?” **I cried, seriously, I remember I was in tears, my face was drenched, I was really scared, panicking, for a second, it felt like my heart was about to give out.** “Papa!”  
  
**My father was in my room within seconds of my screaming. He switched on the light to find me, sucking my thumb in the foetal position.** “Ssshhh, papa has you. Sshh ssshhh shh.” **He scooped me up, holding me as if I was a baby again.** “Ssshhh...

Nennen kororiyo okororiyo,

Boyawa yoikoda nenneshina,

Boyano omoriwa dokoe itta,

Ano yama koete satoe itta,

Sato no miyage ni nani moratta,

Dendendaiko ni sho no fue.”  
  


**Hmm, I didn’t think I could remember that song, but like I said, I have been hearing it since the womb. “I wanna stay with you.”  
  
****“That’s fine.” Then I think we had to repeat every part of my bedtime routine all over again...  
  
**Leo was pretty sure that was his first memory, but that didn’t matter, the story summed up the relationship he had with his father perfectly. Saki had been protective and attentive, doing whatever he could for his son.  
  
Axel gave a humbled smile in response, just one story, that’s all he needed to hear, he understood Leo a little bit better. He understood now why it had been so hard for him these past few weeks. “So, is this why you are so what is called attached to your... hippo lately?” He’d only just noticed but inside the blanket with Leo was the very toy hippopotamus, they were discussing. It’s ear was being clenched between Leo’s fingers. He did this a lot lately and he didn’t care, what anyone thought about it. “Hmm, yeah.”  
  
As the cold started to become harsher, Leo and Axel crawled back inside the apartment. Before Axel could make his way inside, he found a box of cigarettes. He watched TV, he’d seen the commercials, he’d learned about them and what they did to the body, he knew they weren’t good. “Leo?” He called, and Leo whipped back around.  
  
When Leo turned around Axel was holding up the box he was trying to hide from him. The former ninja was flushed with shame. He quickly snatched the box away. “Don’t judge me.”  
  
“I will not judge you, but I will show what is called concern.” Axel responded. “Why would you do this to yourself?” Leo shrugged before slumping on to the couch.  
  
“It’s once in the morning, they just help with my stress when meditation isn’t enough.” Axel’s brow lowered in dissatisfaction, he still couldn’t see why Leo would do something so stupid, so cancerous just for a moment of calm. He was seventeen, still a kid. “How and when did it start?” Axel really focused on his words, showing how disappointed he was.  
  
“A year a go. I took a pack off some kid while out on patrol, he was trying to get in good with a gang. The next night I went to visit my father, it was a part of our deal at the time. I came home a little bit later than usual, and the others were waiting up. Before I could explain anything, Raphael started laying in to me, calling me a traitor and scum. Instead of punching him like I really wanted to, I walked out. There’s a tunnel I used to hide in when I couldn’t handle the others. I still had the box and lighter in my pocket and I kinda just said fuck it.” Leo explained. He hardly expected what happened next.  
  
Axel dropped to his knees, beside Leo wrapping his arms around him. The former ninja barely knew how to react. He hadn’t been held like this in such a long time. His eyes weld up. “I am here for you.”  
  
“No, don’t, trust me. I’m not worth it.” Leo cried, wriggling himself out of Axel’s hold. He dropped on to the sofa, pulling his legs up to his chest and fell on to his side. Axel crawled in front of him, now they were face to face. Leo was soothed by Axel’s eyes, he could get lost in them. They were perfect... “Maybe you only see yourself that way because everyone’s been treating you that way lately.” He was perfect. Axel carefully pulled the carton of cigarettes out Leo’s hand, leaving him where he lay with the words he just said.  
  
...  
  
Leo felt himself tense up, his shoulders stiffened and sweat started building up on his forehead, under his arms and under his knees. He’d made the mistake of watching the television at all, as Space Heroes was interrupted by an important announcement. A rival gang to the purple dragons, usually known for muggings, stealing and vandalism had apparently moved to committing arson. He felt useless and irresponsible, like he’d abandoned the city he dared to call home. At least that’s how he felt.  
  
Axel could hear the shudder in Leo’s breathing from where he sat at the kitchen table, fixing up a tossed out laptop with very few tools that were lucky finds. He stood from his chair and quickly rushed to turn off the television. Leo held his head in his hands, weeping and breathing heavily while repeating the words, “it’s all my fault,” over and over again. The weight of his duty still rested heavy on Leo’s chest. “It’s all my fault.”  
  
“What is your fault? I do not understand.” Axel became scared, he was hesitant to even touch Leo as he sat next to him but he did. He followed his instinct to hold Leo, wrapping his arms around him and letting him lean on him. “That building was torched because I wasn’t there to stop it from happening. I’m a failure.”  
  
Leo was just a kid, barely eighteen. The city wasn’t Leo’s responsibility, Axel explained in his words, the humans had built the city, it was theirs to protect and maintain, they are ones the who should be keeping the peace, not a child who’s only responsibility was to himself. He was being used and he couldn’t see it.  
  
Trying to listen and understand what Axel was saying, kept Leo’s mind at bay, it shut up for a second, but he still felt that weight on his chest. “But then why do I feel this way?”  
  
“I do not know. Perhaps you are... trying to make up for something.” Leo brought his head out of his hands his brow lowered as he looked at Axel. He heard his father’s voice in his head telling him of the story of why they lived in America and not in Japan with the rest of their family, ‘they saw you as a bad omen, a curse, so we fled.’ “Maybe.”  
  
“I do not think you have anything to make up for.” Axel said, but Leo didn’t agree, even though none of it was his fault that he had been born the way that he was, nor was it natural. The Kraang had been the one to make him this way. “Are you kidding me, I have so much to make up for, my birth destroyed my father’s life, I ruined Master Splinter’s second chance at a life. I made Donnie and Raph, Raph especially more paranoid than they’ve ever needed to be. Sometimes, I think I should have died with my mother.”  
  
“Please do not talk that way. I am grateful that you are here, I am fond of you. I love you, Leonardo.” Tears rolled down Leo’s cheeks as he looked in to Axel’s eyes, so pure and filled with wonder. Something about them drew him in. Leo was so confused. “W...what?”  
  
“Which words do you not understand?” Axel questioned. With a trembling hand, Leo touched Axel’s cheek, he had barely any control over what he did next, he just let it happen.  
  
As their lips collided, Axel’s eyes grew wide but within seconds he fell under a spell of endorphins and euphoria. His eyes closed, appreciating every second, every feeling, it was as if everything within him had been laying dormant for years only to suddenly burst forth with life. It felt so right.  
  
Pulling a part, they took a moment for air. “I...uh...” Leo stuttered, still a little frazzled by his mind, by his actions but Axel smiled sweetly at him making him smile back. “I’ve never done that before.” The blue clad turtle said, his face heating up, his cheeks glowed red.  
  
“Neither have I,” Axel replied, his hand moving to caress Leo’s burning cheek. As if by instinct the younger turtle leaned in to the touch. “and I didn’t mind it.”  
  
"Yeah, me neither." 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for the constant editing
> 
> Much like Leonardo, Axel was familiar with the term ’uneasy’. He was born as one of the last survivors of his planet, sent away from a weaponised winter that was wiping out his people. It was preyed that he land on a nearby planet willing to adopt him as one of its own. However, that was not meant to be, Axel had been discovered and taken in by the Kraang. 
> 
> For years, Axel had only known the four walls of a tiny cell. The Sauropsidans were a race of warriors and much like Earth’s reptiles are born with various natural body armours and weapons. Many of their warriors were payed to protect the royals and famous of other planets.
> 
> The Kraang wanted this for themselves and decided that they could have an army of them. ’We clone him, train them and then we have more soldiers.’ Axel would never forget overhearing that, he would never forget the relief he felt when it was shot down for the lacking of resources. But then he heard about the experiments they were going to perform on the human unborn, turning them in to creatures like him, they would be his mates. No matter the gender, it would work.
> 
> How unfortunate was it that only one survived.

"This is your fault!" It started out as just a simple scavenging trip, rifling through garbage to find anything that could be of use to them, but a loud argument between the two of them caught the attentions of some unwanted fiends. "My fault? You’re the one made a big deal out of nothing."  
  
Leonardo and Axel continued their argument whilst running through the streets and dodging lasers. "I just didn’t want that thing in the house." All of this was over a puppet Axel had found and taken to, he’d named and giving it a backstory. There was no way he was giving up this sudden attachment, just because Leo had said so. "If this was TV, you’d so be the wife! I don’t want that thing in my house." Axel mocked the slightly younger turtle. "Well, too late."  
  
Leo narrowed his eyes. "Are you serious, you kept that thing?” This was bound to happen. The two turtles had grown, close enough that they began exploring a romantic relationship, with it still in its early stages, living together wasn’t exactly easy as neither of them really wanted to be pointing the other’s flaws just yet. They were bottling up a lot and now it had all come out.  
  
"Yes I am." Everything about that dumb doll summed was everything that drew Leo to Axel- it was eccentric, an iguana wearing a top hat and monocle, something Leo wouldn’t usually go for and something he never saw coming.  
  
"I swear." Leo cursed under his breath. "I’m so sleeping in my bed tonight." Just as Leo began to make his turn around the corner, he miscalculated his next his act to avoid a blast. "Gah!" He cried out, he was hit in the leg. He collapsed as his leg gave out.  
  
"Leo?" Axel turned around, to see Leo on ground with Kraang heading towards him, he had to act quick, his immediate instinct was to get his mate out of the line of fire. Carefully but fast Axel hoisted Leo on to his back. "Good thing Terrapathians are strong." Leo chuckled a little flushed with embarrassment as he needed to be rescued but he also felt a little endeared, he’d been a pain in the neck and yet Axel still risked his life for him. "Yeah, in case I wasn’t enough like Superb man. If only I was invulnerable too."  
  
"You’d look good in a cape." Leo purred. Axel rolled his eyes in response. There it was the hero kink. This former level headed, straight-shooter, do it for honour leader had a kink, it was heroes, but still a kink. "Yeah, how about some red underpants to go with it?"  
  
Coming across a fire escape, Axel quickly climbed the ladder and hid himself and Leo on the rooftop. Leo hissed as he was put back on to his feet. “Fu.. uh ow. It’s been six months, why are they still after you, shouldn’t they have given up by now?” His voice turned in to a whisper as he lowered on to the ground, giving Axel a chance to take a look at his mate’s new injury. "They want the best. That doesn’t look too bad, they have to be up close for those things to actually do damage to flesh.”  
  
“Might not look bad but it hurts like...” Leo hissed again moving that exact leg, turning it so he could remove the bag that tied around it, previously used for smaller gear but now he kept a first aid kit inside. “Cleaning it might hurt, then I’m just gonna wrap it.” Leo nodded giving Axel his consent, he held out his hand for Leo to take, the younger turtle would squeeze it anytime he felt he needed to.  
  
"That fight really was stupid." Leo said. "I just haven’t really been feeling myself lately. I’m tired, I’m getting headaches, my appetite’s getting bigger. I think I just miss structure. All my life I’ve had a routine to follow ahh."  
  
"Couples fight, Blue." Leo had never been one for pet names, but whenever Axel used either _Blue_ or _babe_ , it just made him feel warm and fuzzy inside. "And this our first. From what I’ve seen on TV, the first is always the one to officially make or break the relationship, and in my opinion, I think ours has been made." Leo smiled, comforted by his mate’s words. He nodded, agreeing. They shared a kiss, sealing their commitment to one another.

...  
  
Being two humanoid turtles, whether mutant or alien gave very little option for housing. To avoid humans, the place had to be abandoned, condemned or completely isolated. It was considerably lucky that Leonardo and Axel found their home in an abandoned apartment. Top floor and boarded up, no one would know. At least that's what they thought...  
  
"I can walk, I think. You don’t have to carry me." Leo’s voice caught the attention of someone spying on their home. The Salamandrian criminal and bounty hunter, K’Vathrak had been sat waiting for the moment the two turtles would show up, though he was only waiting for one. Lieutenant, Commander. He’s home.” He called to his handlers with the communicator attached to his wrist.  
  
As Salamandrians, it had been their duty to help discover a new world after their world, previous, was ravished by a weaponised winter. Now that a new planet had been found and the colony started a new, it was now their duty to find any and all Terrapathian children that had been sent away during the blizzard. “Good, wait there. We’ve taken out the Kraang, Y’Gythgba and I are on our back to you. Do not do anything until we get back.”  
  
"Fine, then walk. Mr Too-Independent." K’Vathrak watched through his binoculars as the two turtles quarrelled, he rolled his eyes when he realised the kind of relationship they had. “Commander, he has a mate. An Earthling judging by the heat—  
  
"K’Vathrak?” The commander G'Throkka called, concerned about the sudden silence. "K’Vathrak, you had better tell me your intentions." He demanded, but received nothing. The commander exchanged a look with his Lieutenant. The two Salamandrians raced to get to back to their post.  
  
Leo hobbled inside the apartment, making his way over to the couch. Axel boarded the window back up, they wouldn’t be going back out again. "Hey, maybe we should get you into bed." He suggested after turning around. Leo shook his head, still a little too much adrenaline in his system to lie down just yet. By the look on Leo’s face Axel tell that he wasn’t taking this well, the shame of being a fully trained ninja and yet he couldn’t dodge a stupid laser. "You know you’re officially ready to be one of the greats. Just a kid and already you got a cool scar on your face and shot wound on your leg. It’s kinda sexy."  
  
Leo turned away. "I don’t feel sexy. I feel like an idiot."  
  
"Oh, Blue. You’re hot and handsome." Leo started to feel awkward as Axel complimented him, giving him kisses on the neck, nipping his skin, leaving his mark but Leo wasn’t so in to it. "I’m not really feeling it tonight, Ace. Maybe I will go to bed." He hadn’t been in to it for a couple of weeks now. Something wasn’t right.  
  
Suddenly, just as Leo was about to stand a massive being crashed through the wall. The figure towered over the two turtles.  
  
K’Vathrak grabbed a hold of Leo by the neck before either turtle could say or do anything. The former ninja turtle clawed at the larger being’s hand as he was lifted in to the air. "Leo, let him go." Axel gritted his teeth as threw punch after punch, however it did nothing. The bounty hunter smirked, the Terrapathian was powerless against. Not growing up with his people had caused him to become inferior and not the equal he was meant to be. "Pathetic, and they say you’re supposed to be a prince."  
  
"K’Vathrak! What are you doing?" The commander G’Throkka and Lieutenant Y’Gygthba stormed through the large hole in the wall. "Attacking the mate will slim our chances of bringing the prince back to Salamandria peacefully." Y’Gygthba explained.  
  
"I h..ha..have a name." Leo choked, struggling against the grip the Salamandrian had on his neck. He managed to push a smell gap between his neck and K’Vathrak’s hand for a few seconds, this gave him a chance to grab a few breaths back. "Stand down, K’Vathrak. These are not our orders."  
  
"Perhaps not your orders. My orders are to get rid any offspring that the prince might have sired with this mate. Even if I had to destroy him.” Axel’s eyes widened, never mind that he was a prince, never mind that Salamandrians were in his home on Earth, a planet in a sector of the galaxy that Sauropsidans are forbidden from landing on. Was Leo with child? Was that even possible? Tears welled in Leo’s eyes as breathing became harder and harder, he was barely listening. “On who’s authority?” The commander asked.  
  
“General R’Kavaka.” The bounty hunter announced before suddenly smashing Leo up against the wall next to him. The impact immediately rendered him unconscious. Axel rushed to his mate’s side. “Please, I’ll go with you. Just leave him out of this.” He begged, holding Leo’s limp body, even if he had to give up his first love before they even had a chance to say it. “Let me just get him somewhere safe.”  
  
G’Throkka and Y’Gygthba held K’Vathrak back. Neither could allow such a harsh order to be carried out. Leonardo was the one who should be having a say in his unborn child’s life. “We cannot let you go through with these orders, despite who gave them both the, you are giving the mother no say. You know that this is not how we do things, K’Vathrak."  
  
“I promise, I will never mention him, nor will I ever communicate with him. Leonardo means everything to me, I cannot let him die.” Axel said, holding Leo up bridal style as he walked out of the apartment, leaving the life he had over the past six months behind. “You were right about that puppet. It was pointless.”

....  
  
A sudden tapping at her window woke April from her sleep. It was the middle of night, grouchy, she trudged over to the window, opening it. She couldn’t believe her eyes. “Leo?” She cried. Axel stood in front of her, holding her unconscious friend.  
  
“Please look after him, get him home.” April allowed Axel inside, directing him to the bed where he could lay Leo down. Stroking his cheek, this was the second Axel truly realised that this goodbye. He planted a kiss on his love’s forehead and turned away. “I do not know for sure, but he maybe with child.” It was peculiar thing to hear, but at this point April was no longer surprised.  
  
“Is there anything you want me to say to him when he wakes up?” April asked before Axel could out of the window. The broken-hearted turtle turned around, looking at his mate one last time. “I wish I had more time.”


End file.
